Friday, October 5, 2012

Ooh OOH! Lists!

I just came across the most awesome birthday list idea on The Naked Redhead (totes SFW) and it's NOT too late for me. Because it's not a list of what I want but instead is a list of what I've learned.

So, here are 34 things I've learned in the last 34 years:

1) To be happy seek acceptance, not approval. No one is going to agree with everything you think, need, and feel, but if they love you they will accept that you have a right to all three. 

2)  If you go to an event alone no one will notice and think you're a pathetic loser with no friends. This is because you are NOT the focus of everyone else's life movie. 

3) If you are dating someone non-exclusively and are not getting the attention you need, it is NOT jealousy or over-controlling to ask for it (I learned this in kindergarten, believe it or not.)

4) If you do not like one of your partner's friends but their relationship never impacts yours...shut the hell up. 

5) Bros before hos is misogynistic, insulting, and ignores the entire point of life.

6) You do not have to know everything, as long as you're willing to bow to superior knowledge.

7) If you are not willing to give up control, you had better know what the hell you're talking about.

8) Anyone who has not experienced great loss will never be able to understand that pain and loss really do fade over time, even though they never go away completely. 

9) Your pain is NOTHING like anyone else's...no one else's pain is ANYTHING like yours.

10) Always sit with your back to the wall and face the door.

11) If you are going to be with someone for the extent of your adult life you must agree on how to handle money, children, and sex. Everything else can be satisfied by compromise.

12) Cat people are weirdly insistent that they don't like dogs. Dog people think cats are kinda boring.

13) Growing up has nothing to do with age, maturity, career or family. It only starts when you notice yourself forming opinions that you don't mind having challenged.

14) Try every (non-allergenic) food at least once because oh, my god, lamb and eggplant are delicious.

15) It's okay to cry, it's okay not to cry.

16) If a coworker physically assaults you, take pictures of bruises, press charges, and demand to go home. 

17) If it doesn't hurt anyone else, whatever you like during sex is totally and absolutely just fine. 

18) If you need a drink to get over nervousness with a new partner that's just fine. If you need to get drunk in order to be interested in having sex with a recurrent partner that's not fine. 

19) There can only be one of you, so make sure you're really you and not a repetition of your heroes.

20) Other people have opinions of you, and those are often wrong (see 2).

21) You will fail. You will always remember these moments.

22) You will prevail. You will never remember these moments.

23) Your taste in music, movies, and television does not define you nor anyone else.

24) If you don't get the appreciation you expect from doing someone a favour, don't do that person any more favours.

25) If you don't get the appreciation you expect from volunteering a favour, get over yourself that's not how it works.

26) Every time you think you're as mature as you'll ever be it's proof that you have a long way to go. 

27) Regrets are fine, they're reason not to ever do that again.

28) There is a time for honesty and there is a time for silence, there is a time for truth and a time for obfuscation and prevarication. 

29) If you're lying because you're ashamed of something--don't do it. 

30) There is never enough money. There is never enough love. There is never enough silence. 

31) Think before you speak.

32) Take a critical thinking course. God DAMMIT take a critical thinking course!

33) Accept faults in others. Work towards removing your own.

34) You can love other people without loving yourself. But it's really unlikely that they'll be able to love you back. 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I don't want my reproductive system!!

I'm working on a post about the whole Republican Party = Wow, have you ever even -experienced- a female's anatomy?...thing. Thought I might even manage to get it over here since it's -definitely- opinion and it's NOT anything to do with my posts about belief in soulmates that are happening over at my other blog. However, there's a link between the prevalence of man'splaining and this issue that I want to explore and it's going to get effin' technical up in (t)here.

So in the meantime let me tell you all about how I don't give a sh*t what your political affiliation is but you best respect, sucka.

'Cause look, here's the thing: I'm pissed at the forced reliance on abortion in Western culture. And by that I don't mean that I have any problem with how easy it is to have an abortion, or want any part in having access or education restricted.
Instead, seriously, Republicans, you're not allowed to: cockblock (see what I did there?) the Dems about increased sexual education, object to gay adoption, and in some cases (FAKE Catholics that don't use condoms 'cause they're against your religion but have no problem stickin' it in before wedlock, assholes) not take responsibility for your own f*ck-ups, and then turn around and blame permissive society on the increase of the last option left.

I try to do everything in my power to prevent myself from getting pregnant...but I can't because in my mid-thirties I STILL can't get my tubes tied because the patriarchal medical system in the West thinks I'm a silly little girl that is going to change my mind.

I want to believe in reincarnation, just so I can come back as a man and jizz in EVERY EYE IN THE GOP.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A run in with rape culture...

Or how I learned to love my loud-as-hell sailor's mouth.

I would like to thank so many of my FB friends for posting various articles on the pervasiveness of rape culture and the responses that have been drilled into women (including me) on the "correct way" rather than the CORRECT way to respond. To hide. To excuse, ignore and shrug off behaviour that is just NOT supposed to be acceptable. If I hadn't been reading so many of these over the past few weeks I wouldn't have responded the way I did this afternoon and I'd be crying right now instead of having a celebratory cider.

(To preface, I was on my way home from work and so was wearing a moderately-high v-neck teeshirt and jeans. But even if I was dressed for a fetish event this would have been unacceptable.)

On my way down Helmcken, talking on my headset, I glanced around as I am wont to do to check for out of control cars and ax-wielding maniacs (I have PTSD hyper-vigilance, okay?) and apparently the fact that I was not spitting at him attracted some man walking around a parked car. He walked nearer to where I was walking behind two women of the same general skin-tone as he, so I hoped he was approaching them seeing as his arm was spread wide in that scooping-people-together way.
No luck.
He stepped in sync with me and I cringed, stepped in the opposite direction from him and prepared to placate someone overly-friendly with comments about hating to be touched (PTSD, remember?) even with a friendly back-pat.
But he didn't pat me. He didn't even touch me. Instead, he leaned his head down as I stood in shock and made kissing noises and kissy-face at my breast.
Seriously.
That happened.

I honestly, if I hadn't been reading all those supportive posts and articles, would have made a sickley smile and started to jog away. But I didn't.
Instead, I calmly told him it was wrong, and then I looked from my own breast up to his pulling away face...which was smiling. So I asked what he was doing  and when he still smiled at me, laughing, I told him he wasn't a nice person.
No, No I didn't.
What I did was loudly say "that's fucking disgusting." asked him "what the fuck, dude, seriously?!" And when that didn't get through to him I yelled, just 100metres away from St Paul's, that he was "a fucking horrible asshole" and told him to fuck off.

Surprisingly, the person on the other end of my phone didn't seem that surprised by what they heard...perhaps I swear too much?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Dragging my ass and just...Dragging!

So it's been a while since I've posted. I am a bad bad blogger. I can let one week of that slide 'cause it was due to starting a new job and being uber-wiped in the evenings. I can let one weekend of that go 'cause it was the NOIR weekend at the same time as starting a new job so I was REALLY wiped. But other than that...pure laziness. Also, boredom. I have been a boring boring person because I just really wanted just to FB and tweet and surf cheezburger in the evenings.
But that's all changed.
And that's why I'm posting. 'Cause I had an AWESOME weekend!

So, Friday night I went to a burlesque show at the RIO called TaTas and Tiaras. It was a send up (as in making fun of, not imitating) Toddlers and Tiaras. I was surprised when Madame Mae I and April O'Peel had to put a disclaimer on the FB event to let everyone know that EVERYONE involved was 19+; I mean, how could people think a burlesque show was also going to be a kid's beauty pageant? I was only surprised until I invited a friend to come with me, of course, and then learned just how hard it was to explain that it was -inspired by- and -making fun of- but not -actually- a kid's beauty pageant when there are "moms" listed.
We had a fantastic time.
The performances were legen-wait for it-dary.
During the intermission I got in an "argument" with the "janitor's parents" because I said loudly enough to hear that I hoped Lester ("the Molester" was only implied) should clean the stage floor and not sniff after the contestants. A couple of people nearby thought we were seriously fighting...it was hilarious! (It wasn't planned, they were just really in character and I was a little tipsy from the two ciders I'd drank during the first act.)
Congrats to Dame Booty Dench for winning "Ultimate Grande Supreme Champion of Beauty"...she deserved it after humping a human-sized teddy bear to Peaches' "F**k the Pain Away" and the other winners and contestants...you kept us all in stitches.

Saturday was even MORE eventful, at least from the participation aspect for me. I went to my first Geeks After Dark, you see. It was the Star Wars event so I of course went as...the Tenth Doctor. Now, I will admit that I originally had the intention of carrying a light saber while Tennanted to give aneurysms  to any extreme Lucas Fanboys that saw me. But then I realised there HAD to be a Time Lord active in the Rebellion.
Betcha I wouldn't have won the General Costume Contest if I had.
I had SOOOOO much fun as the Doctor. I mean, firstly, I went alone but didn't have trouble talking to people since I was, myself, a topic of conversation. Secondly, I really enjoyed how much people appreciated the effort I put in: taking out my piercings, dying my hair then styling it just so, the clothes, the accessories, and the makeup! Finally, I had a great time posing for pictures (something I hate doing because I never look like myself, to myself, in them.) In fact, I was asked by random people to have pictures taken together. And I've seriously never looked more like myself!

So, I suspect I'll be doing a lot more cosplay in the near future, male and female, and I gotta say...boy, am I looking forward to Pride!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I wish I were a dictionary.

Dictionaries know the answers,
they have a purpose.
People don't turn to dictionaries for the answer...
and then deny its truth.
Dictionaries don't become obsolete
they become cherished reminders.
People don't expect dictionaries to know anything
about history, current affairs, weather or social justice.
Dictionaries can be in many forms,
and people love them.
And the best ones are English.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

McQuestionable Listening Skills

On the way back to our hotel on Friday night we stopped at McDonald's out of desperation. We ordered one grilled chicken blt, with no tomato and no bun (for me), and one crispy blt combo (for the sadist that likes to eat yumminess in front of me). As we pulled up to the window I mentioned how awesome it was that McD's doesn't bat an eyelash about weird orders. Egg McMuffins without the muffin--no problem, Garden Salad with white vinegar and no tomato--no problem, grilled chicken with no bun but with pickles--no problem. Heck, McDonald's doesn't even seem to mind the odd and excessive orders of Epic Meal Time. Maybe it's a Canadian thing....
What is a problem, though, is keeping track of weird orders. It might have been the demands of the kitchen staff in the window attendant's ear piece or her boss standing at the doorway demanding verification, but even after repeating twice that the grilled chicken had no bun or tomato and the crispy chicken was regular, we received, on buns, a crispy chicken blt with no tomato, and a grilled chicken blt. I'm so glad it was so late at night--fixing it didn't screw up their monitored wait times!

It would have been nice if they'd listened when I said I needed a new chicken breast instead of just taking off the evil nightshade fruit, but then again, my upset stomach might have just as easily been the sundae.
Mmm...evil lactose.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Well, yeah.

A little weird, a little crazy, a little sad, a little spacey.

A girl that knows what it's like to cry

A woman who looks to the stars at night.

A tiny bit hyper, a tad insane, a might overexcited, with too much brain.

A girl that looks for comforting arms

A woman who's wary of too much charm.